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joy in archi11月14日 pet my petI've got a new pet! wells lets make that 2! one life one and one virtual one. Smelly-my guinea pig. i got it kinda reluctantly. its a disposed aminal of my little cousin. sigh... it shitted alot!!! it came in a styrofoam box and had it covered in its shit in one day!! now my gong gong had a small corner in the garden wired up for it to roam aound freely. no cleaning of cages cos the shit falls on the soil that fertilise the plants. it seems pretty happy having its little piece of wilderness to roam in. it stretches to eat leaves on the bushes, has its own water bottle and a biscuit tin as shelter. think we are not feeding it enuff tho! haha... everytime i have time to see it it is like super hungry. then i'll feed it with veg from the fridge. it doesnt like dried pet food and still prefers to forage for his own leaves over fridge veg.
and yes i finally got my fluff friends. got a froggy wat else! but it is kinda boring having to earn munny to feed it.. tsk. 10月28日 i know whyi know why the church is always so dark and loud during worship. so that it is i can hide in the crowd. no one will notice if i cry cos it is to dark to see, too noisy to hear. it is where i can release my emotions and not worry that someone will see. i dun like trying to hide my tears, i dun like stifling my sobs like i am doing now. even in my own house my own room, i fear that someone will hear me cry. even in my room i have no freedom to sob. even in front of my family i cannot be myself. i am not allowed to sigh... not allowed to be weak. not allowed to be stressed. silent tears, quiet sniffs. i am not as strong as i have made myself to be. angry at how tired i am today. keep taking naps. angry at how stuck i am regarding the facade. angry that no one in the house understands wat i am going thru. stonei realli dunno wat to do now. i am just stoning... i woke up at 10 today. a record time given my morning biological clock of 800 to 830. the proj is very lack of focus... i dunno wat are my key drawings. the list of things to do is like a general to-do list.... i dun realli know what i am presenting. it is not that i am having not enuff sleep.. i think the avg of 4-5hrs is okay for me but i think accumulatively, its taking a toll on my brain, it is now numb and lacks clarity.. drinking at night when i work is not exactly helping either... it just helps me to numb my flighty emotions so that i can continue to function. teach me to fix my eyes on jesus so that i will be able to set my feet upon a rock and not be washed away by the wave of emotions and anxiety of the proj... 10月24日 budebuai天天都需要你陪
我的心思由你猜
l love you
我就需要你让我每天都精彩
dun ask me why i post this
mabbe cos i am listening to this song now.
does it reflect me feeling now?
No.
i am slowly losing the feeling i am suppose to feel.
suppressing it for some time i forgot about it.
soon it will be a week. after a week perhaps i wun feel that bad anymore.
it has been weeks since i am crying in svc. every week.
this is bad.
crying for the heart matters, greiving for the mind matters.
both my heart and my mind is not at rest.
facing deaths every week
zapping dry all my feelings
all my tears
oh but it seems like i got a huge reservior of tears. 9月28日 lesson learnti rem i was asking as archi trained wat can i do to help the poor when i was in medan this june. designing pretty things are not impt in their lives, designing efficient spaces:dun they know better?? today... TKS has the answer... he is like jolim. i dunno how rich they are but they know wat they want. they know wat archi is... it is abt meeting the needs of the people... understanding the people, the culture... they rather design for the poor in thailand. where the designs is not abt winning awards, not abt satisfying clients...
using architecture to empower the poor. TKS talks abt designing in rammed earth... making it mainstream and creating a demand for rammed earth. rammed earth can be easily made by a $100 machine by rural families... this will create income $100 per mth per family abt 50% increase to their income. this low tech brick does not need the specilisation like the industrial materials that is highly commanded and dominating the whole building and architecture industry. or designing with bamboo, easily grown and being able to empower the farmers. this eco building movement that can be driven by a trend started by architects this hopefully drives the demand for materials that does not require industrially driven economy that benefits the top earners, the boss, the "big-fish".... when he was saying that i was like wah..... so filled with awe.... i really dunno how viable the system he says is but when he is saying it it sounds so real, so believable i am like..." so that's how architecture can be used to empower the poor" i think i was so caught up with getting the plans out i forgot how i researched into the lives of the indians last sem... yah... why am i so silly when it comes to programming this sem!! i must think radically!! and get the prog right.... unless i get that right i can never move on to any design... 9月3日 chionging!!hahaha... the chionging session on fri was really a little like a chaperon session but wells it was fun after not chionging for a while. tho the little amt of pple means sometimes the grp diminish to a small no. dunno wats wrong with the guys keep going to get drinks and toilet... they got bladder prob uh?? but okay lah... they got the sense to let the girls be on the inner ring. but leaving us to fend off stranger man who come up to us... tsk tsk tsk...more co-ordination needed. yes someone asked to to dance with him. some stoopid stranger. after i say "no" he still "10secs, 10secs only" TSK!! buzz off!!
anyway i danced with D. and N. D.keep stepping on my toes.....he was really on the verge on encrouching on my private space. he did ask if i feel okay lah but at moments he was just like on the line of crossing my limit. not very comfy esp. when he a little boy....N. was too busy enjoying himself to be bothered with me. ha ha ha but he did asked to dance with me so that he will not be bitchy with the other stranger girls. quite a smart move i must say, so that he will not be tempted to sin... looks like he's grown up. see see see.... the cheperon in me speaking... but really it was with the egging of D. that i started to let loose and really dance. and with N. who really dance to his hearts content, that i learn to just enjoy myself. theres really nothing wrong with this good clean fun. so thank you guys!! and i must say i am also quite impressed with C. very 细心to take care of the girls... bulldozed thru the crowd for us, holding onto me so that i dun get lost in the crowd... reminds me of e. makes me think whether is it the ACS education they had that make them such perfect gentleman. really, have i not met e. before C. i would really have thot he had something for me. but e. taught me that yes there are such perfect gentlemen around who are plain nice. i used to think ACS boys are arrogant MCPs, but really those that i really get to know are the best boys i know. always so sweet and caring and knowing how to treat a lady. if i have a son in the future i would wanna send him to ACS. it is when a man knows how to treat a girl as a lady that she feels and becomes a lady. cos if they dun, we would have to fend for ourselves then who can you blame when we are not lady like.
i thot i would ache like crazy the next day but i din.. hey i'm still young!! hahaha... but such strenous activity cannot too often uh... D. still call me the next day and say we'll go soon.. i'm like soon??!!! 8月29日 tired...i am running on high anxiety mode for no particular reason. and realli this is stressing me out. i am trying all methods to destress, and trust me they are time comsuming and useless. i think without my usual studio kakis to chill after every mind boggling studio session and now my sis is away too... i kinda think wah this is the time it'll be good to have a boyfren to spend time with... and guess wat my mom actualli is SERIOUSLY starting to bug me abt getting a boyfren. she brought the matter up twice this week... *dbish!! i cannot believe it. Have i reached to near expiration date already...? i can foresee my mom setting me up for matchmaking in the future.... argh.... so scary!!
anyway i am going chionging on fri night. can't believe i am still doing it at this ripe old age... hope i can keep up with the energy of the young ones. hope that i can unwind from the session with the young ones. actualli i wondered why i agreed?? wat was i thinking.. hoping... tsk.. hope i am not the only elder there on fri ending up their Chaperon |
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