last week has been exhausting and exhilarating all rolled into one. it was FCBC's turn in the 24hr nation wide prayer chain so i woke up at 430 am everyday to join the morning prayer cos i reckon the last week at work would not be free and easy. But God is good i was not tired at work at all tho i woke up so early everyday. and Juliet has been an angel. tho i know she is really rushing the proj and worried abt scheme b would be out in time but she never stressed me and constantly ask me to tak eit easy , go home early.... she is such a daaaarling. i thot i can't wait to end the work stint at Maps but truly i think i missed everyone. my caring Susu gave me a treat on mon and that was God send too! i was totally cashless on mon and thank God she treated me lunch. and then on my last day juliet and chiew wan both wanted to treat me. and i din even worked with chiew wan b4!!!  zany dawn and the r(a) antics, eileen who is most willing to help the photoshop dum dum in me, boon kit who patiently point out my decon walls, jane and her gator shoes....quiet Nng who finally said something besides work related stuffs to me (abt my BEAUTIFUL kermit jacket *beam..*) LOVLY PPLE @ MAPS I LOVE YOU GUYS!! i dun believe i din take any photos with them but i guess the feeling din sink in and was perhaps too reserved to do that eh? wanted to join them for the party for boon kit's birthday on fri but i had a thai delegate staying with me. i actually wanted to bring her along after my sister's baptism and perhaps she could know some thais working here. there is boon kit, who might scare her off but i am sure Nng and sam is just fine. but in the end i din. i was pretty afraid that the pple in office would scare her off. esp after dawn heard i am bringing a thai fren to the party she asked if it is a present for boon kit and asked if i got thai men!!! argh.... dawn!!!! when i met dui she dun seem like the party kind so i thot i betta give it a miss.the week end with dui, gae and film has been short but fun too. i guess dui was a little uncomfy with being alone in a stranger's hse and she din feel very well the 2nd day. but it seems once she is with her frens she is much betta haha. and wells was more open and chirpy with me. it was a short 3 days but i am sure we will know each other betta over msn!! she is a com programmer basically a com expert and had a little dealings with design stuffs before i believe so hee hee she saw wat i did and knew abt photoshop and stuff... a fren a computer idiot needs!! hahaha

最近我觉得自己非常花痴。总想着些有的没的。想象拍多的情境、拍多的对象、这是一种渴望吧?有奇上星期过得不好,更是希望有人疼爱、关心。对于遥不可及得他,我只有看着。没想过要

怎么认识他,也没想过他的为人如何。但对于”他”,我可是无意间看见他的博课与我一样,在安静的面容下有着热情可人的一面。可爱的是他也在寻找爱情。他也害怕独单。无可否认是他的音乐才华首先吸引了我。但我没想到他比想象中更有音乐气质、甚至有点梦幻了。如令,他搬到我家不远我更是在想着哪天会碰到他或跟他一起回家。好无廖哦！不能再去看他的BLOG了!!我会越来越觉得他很可爱的。真是没出息的臭皮囊！我的灵你要加强对于神的渴望,而非人世间的虚伪情感。我的灵你要歌颂耶和华。。。不要忘记他的恩典。我的神你佩得荣耀赞美。。。AR GHH....

i bought another frog!! happiness!!! :D padon my insanity but this one was huge and only $8.90 so just buy lah! i decided to call it Nng peh peh cos its really soft and after the night i stayed over at MAPS to help Nng with the guangzhou project. this has been a dramatic week. starting with terrible mon at work hitting into unhappiness with work and dawn and boon kit. well of course introvert me will not show it outright but i was very very upset. i could not help but curse and swear at the incident over the next 2 days. i was glad for the break i got from the hospital trip on tue at least it helped cushioned my negative feelings for work from the day before. tho it was a trip of bad news bad Thank God i know it is not serious guess i was just upset with many things due to the day of bad mood. blah blah blah then on fri i had to stay back and "help" Nng tho i thot i realli wasn't much of any help. Nng is this thai architect in the co. i am interning at this hols. pretty quiet, din know him b4 this overnight stint but i guess in the late of the night we all get our share of insanity pangs once in a while.... hahaha.... GTG now going for service already.. woohooo!! my sis is in the choir's "action party" today so i heard all the songs for worship already.. looking forward to meeting God. ta-ta for now!!

I did it! i bought the $189 kermit jacket. i dunno wat got over me but i seem to just have to get it. it is really beyond my comprehension. i usually would not even fork out $89 for any single piece of clothing but now i just paid $189 for a jacket. and this is even after doing QT on idolatry of material goods. i did, i really did, ask myself truthfully why i wanted to buy the jacket. was is pure vanity? becos i would be damn cool to have a collectors jacket? but i feel that no, i really just liked it. simple as that. WHY??? the things i like always must be so expensive.... high taste lah!

but after todays QT i am very confused. was it self worship that showed itself in this simple act of buying a super ex jacket for myself. the excuse of self rewarding-as if i deserve it all. the thot of forgoing the jacket and putting the $189 into the offering bag did cross my mind but there was no strong conviction. no yell from God to "hold that card!! Dun sign it!!" it was not a impluse buy. i saw it the last payday and i did not get it. this payday somehow my feet brought me back to addidas again... i know i was gone. but really is it wrong? i know it is an obnoxious amt of $$ for a jacket but i cannot help it. i was reasoning that i can forgo all shopping in mango and zara for it. i walked around contemplating but all i could think of is the jacket and nothing else appealed. did i do it wrong?? but even now i dun feel the guilt. just confused abt why i dun feel bad abt something seemingly so wrong. or do i simply love my self too much?

should I reprimand myslef?

最紧迷上了《恶魔在身边》。 因为没能在scv上看到完整的所以救灾youtube上下载。真的可以看到三更半夜都不想睡。这就是我的大缺点。看到爱情片就很着迷。更糟的是看完后很会引起我的遐想，让我跌入无理头的梦幻世界。快过了四分之一世纪的人了却没谈过恋爱。是否因早点看破？在其他方面，我对自己非常有置信，甚至会有点过渡自信。 但在情场上我不得不自问自己能给予对方什么。对外在条件极度缺乏的我而言，内在再优也得有人察觉，发现，欣赏。我一直希望能够相信有呢么一个人能够发掘我冰霜下那燃烧着的雪中火苗。 让这火苗绽放出绚丽的焰火照燎四周， 不知为了英勇的他，而是绽放个大家看到我真实内热的那一面。至少我还是这么相信着。