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07 novembre its 3:12amits 3:12am i i am still pretty awake. a,m doing my perspectives. lousy me cannot render using computer so i had to resort to the primitive watercolour and chalk. but oh well like boon lay say that's my special point cos it is a losing trade. let's just hope more pple like him will appreciate. just read ps will and debra's blog and session 9 talks abt leadership. 1st key to being a leader is brokeness. it is not that you can but God can. brokeness and submission i think i have no issues but the 2nd pt abt anointing and fruitfulness.... i always ask why why till today i am still baren. am i less holy, am i less teachable, am i less capable or am i just less trustable. i had enuff of "you are deemed for greater things..." i know patience, this is a time of training from God but God i wanna see my deescendents like stars in the sky. i wanna be used to make a difference in someone's life. i know it doesn't make me more or less loved by you whether i am leading a cell or not but it is just after so many years in church and somewat on the brink of leadership, i never made it there. i question: is there something wrong with me. becos i choose to stay as a cell intern nearly 10 years ago and did not dare to step out in faith, i remain a faithful supportor for someone and never to step up again. because i am still seeking and searching for my identity and place in your kingdom, am i too voilatile and unstable to be leading sheeps but who isnt? who can truly say God is done dealing with me? question questions questionsss.... God i need your answer.. 05 novembre relak...i am working at a super relax pace considering my submission is in a weeks time. perhaps becos we have extra time for printing perhaps becos jughead has offered to help, perhaps the peace of the Lord has never left me and manifested greatly. watever it is i Thank God for that. i am so at ease and almost complacent that i am a bit scared... hahaha... was reading someone's blog and he commented abt another blog of joanchan. went to skim thru it(cos i dun like having background music) and it is abt the cancer battle of a lady from rgs. i think i heard abt her b4 and she caused a huge awareness of cancer esp in the young pple and they have got a fund for cancer in rgs after her. it reminds me of my own journey with leukemia. the only twist is that God dun wan me in heaven yet. i have work to be done on earth still. my own patient, joan, is now battling a transplant her second this year. thot the docs gave a low success rate but we are trusting the Lord for his healing power to descend on the hands of the docs. i trust that the side effects will be reduced by God and that she will continue to recognise the the Joy of the Lord will be her strength. Jia you!! Joan!! rem you promised me, when you are well you will join me in volunteering in the hospitals, i am waiting for you. we will continue to live a life that is a living testimony to the many that is suffering and withering in pain and hopelessness. God let me be the light and the salt that help guide the hopeless to you and the faithless to find their faith in you. you make up for my ineloquence and shy nature and let your love br my driving force. |
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