| joycelyn さんのプロフィールjoy in archiフォトブログリスト |  ツール  ヘルプ |
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1月30日 every step you take
every move you make
the thot of it tingles
the corner of my lips wriggles
i am not affected am realli not
just the occasional grin
i cannot wipe off.
will you meet me on the divine day
in the peach blossom garden we make our date. 1月25日 i am happyi must say i am really good at being in control of my emotions. or mabbe perhaps i am really a robot that is emotionless. i pride myself in not being affected when i encounter things about the guys i like. whether i manage to accidentally bump into them, manage to have a good chat with them, manage to flash the most adoring side of my personality to them, or whether i hear that they are attach, or they are after another person, or that they are really less than the goody-2-shoes i thot of them to be, i will never be happy or sad. basically unaffected. Am i strange? i dunno, i kinda like this nochalant trait about myself and yet think that it is the very reason why i might never be attached. cos i might really dun need to, as much as i love to. becos i am never emotionally affected i dun know if i really like them, or him. or am i decieving myself. No, dun mistake this, i will still miss a heartbeat when i see the person i like, and have butterflies fluttering around and trying hard to conceal my smile. it is just that, that will not make my day. nor will seeing him kiss someone else break my day. mabbe i am too important to myself to let someone else's action affect me. i am too self centred. why am i not like other girls who will gush at their crush. i dunno how to swoon, i am satisfied just admiring albeit a piece of great art work of God. the joy of the lord will be my strength. captivating it seems that a lot of things have been happening since i last blogged tho it is only slightly more than a month. its a whirlpool of emotions that zipped past me and a rollercoaster of thinking.
but i have decided to be captivating. i have decided to go on a SERIOUS deit. really! perhaps when i learn to be comfy with who i really am and to live out my beauty then can i start to be captivating. i need to love myself more, believe in myself more and learn to let the crazy boisterous flamboyant actress out of the fats. the weight has got me down, it is too heavy an armour i carry upon myslf. it is too heavy a burden that with it i cannot be the bubbly self, the showy girl who was not afraid of being in the limelight. who once loved the stage, who once loved performing, who once loved switching from one character to another, who once was the livewire in class. i will never return to those days where i as loud both audio-lly and visually. but i wanna be happier and being able to express myself like i could. because of my size, i lost the right to act cute, be sweet, be sexy, be beautiful and be the weaker sex. but now i will. |
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